I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
