I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
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There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
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It's shark week go big or go home
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
last night I used snow as a chaser
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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