So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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