i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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