He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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