yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I am available for nakedness
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
