fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
