Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
