So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
