I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
