i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
