FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
