i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I think your dad took our porno
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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