What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
