u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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