Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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