nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
