So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
