Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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