I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize