Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
My breasts were aching with rage.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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