Midget sex pt 2 tonight
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
