He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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