well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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