Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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