i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
