this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
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