So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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