official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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