2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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