My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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