I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
