Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
