the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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