Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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