Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
