Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
