My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
