This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
