margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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