guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
