so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
