dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
