Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
