Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
