I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
My cat gives me a boner
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
