Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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