i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
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I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
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For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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