Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
