o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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