god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I have feelings that need drinking.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
