Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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