Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
