I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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