you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
