I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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