I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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