I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
