I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
