please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize