We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
