I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
