Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
