You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I lost the right to judge tonight
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
