I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I got inside last night via doggy door
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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